the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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