1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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