I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
