Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
