Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
two words...techno handjob
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
