when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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