I just made out with a guy for $7.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
