Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
