hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
what day is it and did you see me today?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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