so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
