I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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