He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
