I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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