i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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