Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
