he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
