we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
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Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
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I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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