end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
