did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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