Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
