Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
