I want to have your abortion
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
