you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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