I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
