we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
