and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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