u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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