I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
