somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
