You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
