Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
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Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
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You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Drake has all the answers
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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