uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
