I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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