i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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