Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
As shirtless as possible
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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