i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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