Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
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I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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