so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
not ubering you a puppy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
