I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize