i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
