Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
