Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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