her vagine was all disorganized.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
