I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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