R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
