ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize