Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
