I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
