Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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