I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He better not be in your backpack
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
