I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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