woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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