I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
