I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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