Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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