Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
