I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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