see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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