if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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