I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
