i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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